背景: 在美國律師是高收入的職業，但並不十分受人尊重。因而有很多律師的笑話。
假如你有機會在法庭上作證，但願你也有跟這位警官先生一樣的機智。
這位警官在一件重罪案件中出庭接受被告律師的詢問。
這位律師想貶低這位警官的誠信度。
If you ever testify in court， you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.
He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.
The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....
問：警官. . . 你親眼看見被告逃離現場？
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
答：沒有。 但是案發後我看到一個疑似被告的人跑了好幾條街。
A: 'No sir.
But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender， running several blocks away.'
問：警官. . .是誰告訴你被告的長像？
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
答：是那個接到報案到達現場的警官。
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
問：是和你一夥的警官向你描述了這位嫌疑犯的長像。你相信你的同僚嗎？
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
答：我相信，我以人格保證。
A: 'Yes， sir. With my life.'
問：以人格保證？那我問你一個問題：上班的時候你們有更衣室可以讓你們更換制服嗎？
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in
preparation for your daily duties?'
答：我們有的！
A: 'Yes sir， we do!'
問：那你們在更衣室有帶鎖的櫃子嗎？
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
答：我們有的！
A: 'Yes， sir， ... I do.'
問：那你們的櫃子上鎖嗎？
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
答：是的，上鎖！
A: 'Yes， sir.'
問：好， 這是為什麼， 警官，假如你能以人格保證你的同僚都是可以信賴的，為何在大家共用的更衣室裡櫃子還有必要上鎖？
Q: 'Now， ... why is it， officer， if you trust your fellow officers with your life， you find it necessary to lock your
locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
答：你要知道，我們的辦公室是跟法院共用的，經常會有律師穿過那個更衣室的。
A: 'You see， sir -- we share the building with the court complex， and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk
through that room.'
這時法庭上發出一陣笑聲，庭審立即暫停。這位出庭的警官被提名為年度的「最給力的反唇相譏」獎。我們認為他會得獎。
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter， and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
..........................................................................................
第二則
在最近的一次訪問中，諾曼史瓦茨科夫將軍（海灣戰爭中的美軍統帥）被問到他是否有可能原諒那些曾經庇護教唆對美國進行911攻擊的恐怖分子。
In an recent interview， General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
他以典型的史瓦茨科夫方式回答。
His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
將軍說，「我相信原諒他們是上帝的事…
而我們的工作是安排他們跟上帝見面。」
The General said， "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ...
Our job is to arrange the meeting."
你一定會欣賞他們二位的答辯！
You got to love them both!